Instead of praise
Do I always have to praise everything, you might ask yourself. – No, you can do something different – the main thing is that the appreciation comes across. Here are a few alternatives to praise. Implicit praise is also discussed in more detail below.
(1) Overview: some alternatives to praise
Language
- Implicit praise (see resource orientation below)
- Express enthusiasm and ask for resources (see “Triple” below)
Body language
- Friendly body language: a thumbs-up, a smile, that extra second when you meet someone
Posture
- Presence (consciously and courageously wanting to be there for the other person)
- Tolerance and mindfulness when someone has made an effort
- Resource orientation (can also be expressed through language – see below)
Material
- A privilege: a popular job, your own office, a company car
- A gift in recognition: e.g. flowers
- A symbol: cup, certificate, trophy, thank-you card
- Special leave, salary increase
- Transfer of responsibility as recognition (e.g.: the child is allowed to go shopping himself).
Action
- Celebrations as praise. Ex: a lunch, a celebration with colleagues
- The renunciation of rebuke when someone has made an effort
(2) Deepening: Resource orientation a) Implicit praise
((implicit appreciation: you can do it))
Statement:
I think you know what to do here.
You have the experience to do it yourself.
What do you suggest?
What do you think is right?
What opportunities do you see?
What would you like to do?
What is your opinion on this?
I’ve gotten to know you as someone who still has an ace up his sleeve. Please put all your good cards on the table and tell me everything you know about the best way to make it work?
((implicit appreciation: you are in the professional league))
Hm… I see you’re in a very difficult situation.
Hm… What you want to solve is not easy. We’ll have to think about it together.
Hm… That’s a good question.
Hm… This question is too good for a quick answer.
((implicit appreciation: your concern is in good hands))
I take that to heart.
I’ll make a note of that.
I accept that.
I’ll take care of it.
((implicit appreciation: you are understood))
I can imagine that.
I understand you.
I hear what you’re saying.
I see your point.
I can understand your point of view.
((Implicit appreciation: It touches me.))
That makes me happy.
That impresses me.
(3) Exercise – comment/question in a resource-oriented way instead of harshly
Imagine this. A colleague is simply not getting on with a task that she is supposed to do herself, even though she is trying really hard. You want to encourage her by refraining from harsh comments or questions. Instead, you want to approach her in a resource-oriented way.
Rephrase.
Would it be possible to let the tln write something independently and only then spit out the solution? Or how do we implement this cleverly? Button?
Instead of: Where are you stuck?
So: Where did you make it to on your own?
Instead of: Why hasn’t it been done yet?
So: What have you achieved?
Instead of: You can’t.
So: You can’t do that yet. What’s the next step?
Instead of: You have no results to show.
So: Show me what you’ve done so far.
Instead of: You seem to be struggling.
So: What of what you tried worked a little?
Instead of: Where is the problem?
So: Where are the exceptions where the problem is not apparent?
Instead of: You obviously don’t know how to proceed.
So: How does your colleague Hans solve it? What advice does he give you?
Instead of: What do you find difficult?
So: What are you good at?
You can find out more about resource orientation and encouraging self-reflection in the post “Encouraging self-reflection and evaluating in a resource-oriented way”. It comes into play when you want to promote someone and there is not much to praise. You ask for a self-assessment and then evaluate it in a resource-oriented way.