Building on experience with the “Triple” approach
Imagine this: A colleague comes by and happily tells you that he has got the faulty inverter working again. The following comments come to mind. Which one is the most motivating?
- Really great. Keep up the good work.
- That wasn’t easy. How did you manage it?
- And you haven’t repaired the battery yet?
- Yes, fine. But why are you telling me this?
- I must praise you.
- Not bad.
- You are the superhero.
Think about your answer before you press the button…
The winner: Wow. That wasn’t easy. How did you manage that?
Why is this the most motivating answer? Think about it and then press the button.
Wow: This shows that you are impressed.
That wasn’t easy: you are extending the fact that the performance is special.
How did you manage that? This shows your interest in the other person’s success and gives them the opportunity to describe their success methods. She will talk like a waterfall and give herself compliments that will certainly go down better with her than any external praise.
Get the other person to compliment themselves.
This even works with failures (or better formulated: “partial successes”)
I checked the inverter for two hours and the box still doesn’t work.
Which statement is the most motivating?
- Oh dear, you poor thing.
- Why not?
- What do you learn from this?
- Then just get rid of it.
- What so little, only two hours?
- Even though you’ve spent so much time?
- That wasn’t easy. What did you learn from it?
Think before you press the button…
The winner was: OK. That wasn’t easy. What did you learn from it?
OK: Stabilized. Come on, let’s not make it worse than it is.
It wasn’t easy: the level of difficulty is considerable.
What do you learn from this? This question could trigger self-accusation, i.e. make the person feel like a failure. But after the two comments above, the other person is stabilized enough to have access to resources. They are now reflecting on the learning. It is not a failure but a partial success with learning insights.
What we see here twice is the so-called “triple”. We proceed in three steps. We express our enthusiasm, reaffirm the commitment and ask about resources. It is important to vary the language (don’t always say wow – there are many words for this) so that the other person does not become suspicious. Incidentally, this approach goes back to the Finnish psychiatrist and author Ben Furman.
