The challenges of praise

You might ask yourself: if praise has such a great benefit in private and business life, why do we praise so little? Why do we criticize more than we praise?

Culture: If you watch what’s on TV rarely and carefully enough, you’ll quickly realize that we live in a culture that makes money from drama, conflict and problems. The news and entertainment industry feeds us with bad news, embarrassment, etc., so that we can breathe a sigh of relief. So that we can always breathe heavily and say: “Isn’t it terrible.” In contrast, our everyday problems seem more bearable, because we are not the only ones for whom not everything works.

Being human & routine: We, former Stone Age people, are equipped with an ego by nature. This is not there to be happy, but to survive. It asks: Am I the prey? Is that the prey? Can I get it? The ego searches the Sustainable World for dangers or compares its strengths with potential prey or competitors. In us civilized humans, this is always alive, even if quite dormant, because our needs are more than covered. The affluent people are comfortably lulled into a state of lull and don’t really know what else they actually want. Their expectations only become clear to them when they are disappointed. Then the ego wakes up and excitedly announces: “This is wrong – I don’t want this!”. This is not good for happiness – but it is good for survival.

If you reflect on these processes in yourself and simply let them run their course (and that is the path of least resistance), you get used to the nonsense in your head. Meditation teachers have created a term for this: “monkey mind”. What is meant by this is that our consciousness runs around wildly like a monkey.

It is certainly easier to recognize what is negative than to see what is positive. Next, we should ask ourselves whether we are somehow afraid of the positive that others present around us. Fear is certainly an exaggerated formulation – but perhaps there is little “discomfort” that can arise when we praise?

Feeling unwell when praising?

Praise can make you feel uncomfortable, i.e. worried. Here are a few examples of such concerns.

When I praise, then…

…I am condemned as a suck-up

…I look like a hypocrite

…I trigger jealousy

… I cause discomfort

… the other person begins to make demands

…the other person becomes stronger and I become comparatively weaker

Uncomfortable with accepting praise?

You’ve probably noticed that some people feel uncomfortable when they are praised. They cringe or say: “That’s my job.” or “Are you trying to motivate me?” What’s going on?

• The recipient feels that they do not deserve the praise.
• The recipient recognizes a heightened expectation in the praise and fears that they will not be able to live up to it in the future. This happens particularly quickly if only the result is praised and not the commitment, creativity and diligence.
• The recipient becomes suspicious and thinks about the intention of the person giving the praise. “What does the person praising me want from me – do they want to reward me, train me, manipulate me?”
• The recipient realizes that they are touched by the praise. At the same time, they find it difficult to accept the perceived closeness and seek a safe distance.

Of course, how you deal with praise is also a question of the culture in which you live.

Other countries – other customs: In this country, we praise less than elsewhere. The Americans do it more generously. Read the post here – it’s great!