Experiences with praise – seminar participants report

Memorable experiences with praise – seminar participants report formative experiences

Picture with seal getting a fish or ballerina

“We make experiences. But experiences make us.” Eugene Ionesco. This was the motto of a seminar that also focused on praise. The participants were asked to describe formative experiences with praise. Here are a few particularly memorable stories and insights.

You cooked well today, star chef!

Tobias, a star chef, reports. “I’ve realized from praise that I’m very complicated. Because I see myself as an artist who puts all his heart and soul into cooking, I’m very sensitive to every comment, even praise! For example, my brother-in-law once came and praised me for cooking a great meal today. I immediately winced – you have to know that my brother-in-law is a dilettante cook – he probably thinks he can judge my art! As if he was in the same league! Pah!

Another time, my cousin praised me with the same words again: ” You cooked well today. And what do I hear? Just today… Hello? I always cook well! Pah! So: what I’ve learned: I’m over-identified with my art and want to make an effort to interpret well-intentioned comments sympathetically.

Ballet is going great again.

Sara tells us: I used to be a ballerina and had finally made it into the professional league. When I arrived at the ballet academy in Peterburg, I had the shock of my life. Compared to the other dancers, I was weak – completely unusual for me. I remember a moving telephone conversation with my father in the second semester. To his question: “How’s ballet going?”, I replied. “It’s going great again. But first I was condemned as a hopeless failure (quote: You’re awful!). Then I was ignored for six months. It was hell! But now… I’m finally being criticized again. Still with harsh words, but I can now think them through.” What I’ve learned is that criticism is closer to praise than being ignored.

The tennis coach who praises too much

Michael reports: I once changed tennis coaches and only realized later what bothered me about him: his way of praising. His facial expressions weren’t right. The praise came off the shelf. There was no enthusiasm. There was too much praise. It was no longer worth anything. I no longer believed him.

Give me a break

A participant once heard this: “Dear Andreas, I’ve never seen anyone give as many compliments as you. Give me a break.” Obviously my compliments went down badly with him. I was quite shocked and thought about myself: maybe I wanted compliments back or at least that’s what my colleague thought? Was he afraid I was trying to impress or manipulate him? I don’t know. Since then, I’ve realized that I want to be totally sincere when giving praise.

Praise comes back like a boomerang

Peter tells us with a smile. “I once received a valuable tip from a seminar leader. It helps when I praise Valentin, a friend, who always returns the praise. My praise comes back like a boomerang, because Valentin waves it off and replies: “No, you did a great job yourself.” The seminar leader then said that Valentin would certainly want to hear the praise again. I tested that and it was true. Valentin has been doubly happy ever since.